Me and the wife just went in to get another Tattoo from Tim at the Chrome Lotus here in Idaho Falls. We were handed an after care sheet and thought I’d modify it a bit. So, if you’re getting a tattoo, or you’re at tattoo virgin, print this off and use it as your guide for the tattoo after care.

#1 We’ve just spent some time tattooing you, I hope you fucking love it! We’ve put a bandage over your new tattoo, please… DON’T FUCK WITH IT. Leave the bandage on for about 4-5 hours. If your bandage has begun to fall off before the allotted time period, don’t do shit. Just proceed too step #2 as planned.

#2 After leaving the bandage on for the allotted time, the next step is for you to rip that fucker off and submerge your shit for 10 to 15 minutes… it hot water, feel the pain. Once you’ve soaked your new masterpiece, wash the entire area of the tattoo with an antibacterial soap and make sure to remove all that nasty slimy film covering the tattoo. Dab it dry (don’t fucking rub the shit out of it) with a clean cloth and leave it alone until the next day.

#3 Come the following day, you’ll get your nasty ass out of your bed, throw away all the beer bottles and wash your shit again. Do NOT soak it this time, you’ll need to just wash it with the same antibacterial soap as before…again, feel the pain. Dab it dry the same way as you did the day before. Go through the same shit later in the afternoon and then again once before you hit the bed.

#4 On the third day you’ll start applying fragrance-free lotion all over your shit. Make sure you apply the lotion 3 to 4 times a day over the entire tattooed area. Don’t fuck this up or your tattoo will dry. If you have some type of fucking reaction start cleaning your shit asap and switch to another type of fragrance-free shit. A good sign that you’re having a problem or reaction is if your tattoo starts to bubble as soon as you put the lotion on… wash that shit off!

If you start to show signs of ingrown hairs or pimples on it’s surface, this means you probably have clogged pores. If this shit occurs, reduce the application of the lotion from 3 to 4 times a day too 2 to 3 times a day. Remember this, take a picture, whatever the fuck… follow these directions!

#5 You’re almost there… the next step is to keep your tattoo away from the fucking sunlight for the next 30 days minimum. No sunbathing, no fucking swimming in swimming pools, or tanning your ass in the backyard, just stay out of the sun. You should stay out of the sun until you have no shiny area left on your tattoo. Either way, the longer your tattoo stays out of the sun, the better it will be. The color will remain more vibrant and have a killer look over all if you keep it out of the sun forever.

Welcome to the Brotherhood my friend