Men have quite a few rules to stand by. Some change, some remain the same for their lifetime. But, it really doesn’t matter, women constantly beat men and get away with it. Even our sad American justice system sways towards the woman, even though the woman may be beating the man. It happens, don’t kid yourself. There are weak men out there that get the smack down from their woman, all the time.

So here are a few rules that men must abide. The woman can’t get away with beating their man in the future. Can’t we all just get along? hahahhaha NO way, it will never end. Similar to those camel fuckers in Iraq who will never end their craziness. Listen to these rules:

Men are NOT mind readers.
Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports - It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides - Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 3 Days.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done - Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!

Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings! Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothings wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really!!

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as CARS, MOTORCYCLES, FISHING, ETC.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know, men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Some say the Indians of America were smarter than the average man today, given the technology they had to work with. Some may say they were too simple of a culture.

We all love the Lone Ranger and Tonto, here’s a story that will adjust your thinking on who knows what!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, Kemosabe, look towards sky; what you see?

The Lone Ranger replies, I see millions of stars.What that tell you? asked Tonto.

 The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of Galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we Will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?

You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent.