1. The American people elect a black president with a total of 42 days experience as a U S Senator from the most politically corrupt state in America whose governor is ousted from office. The President’s first official act is to close Gitmo and make sure Terrorists civil rights are not violated.

2. The U.S. Congress rushes to confirm a black Attorney General, Eric Holder, whose law firm we later find out represents seventeen Gitmo Terrorists.

3. The CIA Boss, Leon Penetta with absolutely no experience, has a daughter Linda we find out, that is a true radical anti-American activist who is a supporter of all the Anti-American regimes in the western hemisphere.

4. We got the most corrupt female in America as Secretary of State; bought and paid for.

5. We got a Tax Cheat for Treasury Secretary who files his own taxes.

6. A Commerce Secretary nominee who withdrew due to corruption charges.

7. A Tax cheat nominee for Chief Performance Officer who withdrew under charges.

8. A Labor Sec’y nominee who withdrew under charges of unethical conduct.

9. A Sec’y HHS nominee who withdrew under charges of cheating on his taxes.

And that’s just the first two weeks . . . But who’s counting.

America is being run by the modern-day Three Stooges ~ Barrack, Nancy , and Harry ~ and they are still trying to define stimulus.

Stimulus is where the government gives a smidgen of your tax dollars back to you making you feel so good about yourself [stimulated] that you want to run out to Wal-Mart and buy a new Chinese-made HDTV and go home and watch Telemundo!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don”t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don”t know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I”d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”

I politely said, “This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?”

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right f***ing number!” and the phone was slammed down on me.. I couldn”t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn”s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You”re an asshole!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “asshole” next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I”d call him up and yell, “You”re an asshole!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “asshole” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I”m calling to see if you”re familiar with our Caller ID Program?”

He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That”s because you”re an asshole!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I”d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale ” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I”d better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?” He said, “Yes, it is.”

I then asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?” He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.

It”s a yellow ranch style house and the car”s parked right out in front.”

I asked, “What”s your name?” He said, “My name is Don Hansen,”

I asked, “When”s a good time to catch you, Don?” He said, “I”m home every evening after five.”

I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?” He said, “Yes?” I said, “Don, you”re an asshole!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea… I called asshole #1. He said, “Hello.” I said, “You”re an asshole!” (But I didn”t hang up.)

He asked, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah!” He screamed, “Stop calling me,”

I said, “Make me,” He asked, “Who are you?” I said, “My name is Don Hansen.”

He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?” I said, “Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.”

He said, “I”m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.” I said, “Yeah, like I”m really scared, asshole,” and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, “Hello?” I said, “Hello, asshole,”

He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…” I said, “You”ll what?” He exclaimed, “I”ll kick your ass,”

I answered, “Well, asshole, here”s your chance.. I”m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.